you never know

Lyrics

, she was on her way to becoming a college graduate, wouldn't even stop to talk to the average kid, the type of latina i'd sit and contemplate marriage with, fuck the horse and carriage shit, her love was never for hire, disciplined, intellectual beauty is what i desire, flyer than salma hayek or jennifer lopez, everyone told me, kickin' it to her was hopeless, at first i just thought she didn't mess with broke kids, the thug niggas always talking about how they smoke kids, but the rich-sniff-coke kids got no play, "i'm not even interested" is what her body language would say, everyone around the way gave up trying to get in it, it didn't matter how good your game was, she wasn't with it, on the block, bitches was jealous but wouldn't admit it, talk shit, and deny to everyone that they did it, 'cause they regretted the long list of niggas that they let hit it, and no one ever gave them shit except mcdonald's and did-dick, smoking weed, with thoughts of envy whenever they lit it, she spoke intelligently and they bit it, always trying to copy, but when they tried to use her vocab they sounded sloppy, she had a style, all her own, respectful and pure, i was sick in the head for her, and there wasn't a cure, don't you know that time waits for no man?, my fate, it's all planned, i'm blessed just to know you, i've loved and i've lost just to hold you all night, can't find a reason why, god came between you and i, if i had the chance again, i'd never let you go, hold tight to your love, 'cause you never know, her eyes are brown and beautiful, yet empty and sad, i used to talk to her occasionally, and she was glad, that i wasn't just another nigga trying to get in it, so every now and then we'd stop and talk for a minute, i didn't have a gimmick, so the minutes turned to hours, on her birthday i gave her a poem with flowers, then i took her out to dinner after her cousin's baby shower, we talked about power to the people and such, we spent more time together, but it was never enough, i never tried to sneak a touch or even cop a feel, i was too interested in keeping it real, perfectly honest and complete, she would always call me "carino" and never technique, bought me a new book to read every two or three weeks, forever changing the expression of my thoughts when i speak, it was because of her i even deaded all of my freaks, she convinced me to stop hanging out on the streets, to stop robbin' and stealing from people like you, instead i took her out to the apollo and the bronx zoo, museo del barrio, and the metropolitan too, got to the point when i was either with her or my crew, so i decided one day to tell her my feelings was true, i couldn't live without her, so i told her, facing my fears, but honey's only response was a face full of tears, she could only sob hysterically, holding me tight, i tried to speak, but she wouldn't stop until i left sight, i felt like a moth who got himself too close to the light, except i didn't burn, i turned cold after that night, don't you know that time waits for no man?, my fate, it's all planned, i'm blessed just to know you, i've loved and i've lost just to hold you all night, can't find a reason why, god came between you and i, if i had the chance again, i'd never let you go, hold tight to your love, 'cause you never know, i went on with my life, college and my career, ended up locked up like an animal for a year, where the c.o.'s talk to you like they were the overseer, then i got sent to the hole when my exit was near, at night in my cell, i'd close my eyes and i'd see her, hold her close in my dreams, but when i woke she disappeared, just an empty cell until the state gave me parole, in the summer, came back, intact and on track, but the fact of the matter is i still felt cold, even after my mother hugged me, crying at home, my real niggas would catch me thinking, outta my zone, fucking lots of different women, but i still felt alone, relatively well-known around the new york underground, but i kept thinking of her and how we used to be down, the sound of her voice, and the beautiful smell of her hair, though gone physically, somehow it was still there, i had to do something because the shit was too much to bear, so i went and visited the building where she used to live, the world looks a lot different after you do a bid, the way your life done changed, while primitive minds are still stuck in the same game, like her cousin who was on the corner, slanging cocaine, stepped in the lobby, and tapped the button next to her last name, her mom buzzed me up and hugged me up like a mother oughta, but her facial expression changed, when i asked about her daughter, don't you know that time waits for no man?, my fate, it's all planned, i'm blessed just to know you, i've loved and i've lost just to hold you all night, can't find a reason why, god came between you and i, if i had the chance again, i'd never let you go, hold tight to your love, 'cause you never know, she told me that there was a note, for me, that was left behind, and she had left it there waiting for such a long time, i was inclined to ask about it, but she brought it up first, i saw a tear swelling up in her eye, and then she cursed, she told me where the letter was, and i started thinking the worst, reversed my position, stepped over and opened the door, and sure enough there was an envelope, with my name on the floor: "nobody loves you more than me, carino," is what the letter said, "by the time you get to read this, i'll probably be dead, but when you left in '97, a part of me went to heaven, i thank god at least i got to know what love really was, but it hurt me to see what true love really does, 'cause even though we never made love, you were all that there was, it was because i loved you so much that i had to make you leave, you made me doubt the way i thought, you made me want to believe, and then i slipped up, and i let you get close to me, it was hard to not be openly when people spoke to me, this was not the way i thought my life was supposed to be, baby, don't you see?, i had a blood transfusion that left me with hiv, hope didn't exist for me since late in 1993, i died a virgin, i wish i could've given myself to you, i cried in the hospital because there was no one else but you, promise that you'll meet me in paradise inevitably, no matter what, i'll keep your love forever with me", what happened for the rest of the day is still a blur, but i remember wishing that i was dead, instead of her, she was buried on august 3rd, the story ends without a sequel; and now you know why technique don't fucking fall in love with people, hold the person that you love closely if they're next to you, the one you love, not the person that'll simply have sex with you, appreciate them to the fullest extent and then beyond, 'cause you never really know what you got until it's gone