to victory

Lyrics

this ballad is dedicated to the brave men and women, who triumphantly traverse the treacherous terrain, who fearlessly face unfathomable foes, who conquer incalculable chaos, and all for what. for the glory. of victory, recently divorced, i'm a father of one, i have a couple kids but they're both with their mom, luckily this weekend i got custody of my son, i took that fucker for a ride, cuz he wanted some fun, "hey daddy, daddy, i wanna go faster!", i'm sweating my ass off, shut up you little bastard, "i'm telling mom cuz you let me get stabbed", just another fun weekend with dad, who's hoppin' over obstacles, smashin' through glass, bouncin' all around like a kardashian's ass, call me pogo pete, i'm screamin' yolo, skeet, better clear a path if i'm hoppin' down your street, i'm like a homicidal-kangaroo-jackhammer-man, old ladies, little babies, doesn't matter where i land, i got a sword in my ass, and this shit hurts, but i always wear a helmet, safety first, my happy wheels keep turnin', i'll be flyin' at the speed of light, how i love the smell of rubber burnin', push my limit cuz i'm ready to die, get out of my way, my agenda matters, ate 5 big macs and i've got a full bladder, cruisin' through wal-mart, i'm the quickest, only obstacle i've got is my diabetes, keep your distance bitch, haven't showered in years, runnin' on doritos and a couple of beers, they say my blood pressure's gonna number my days, you think obesity kills? i say obesity slays, that verse was phat, talk about a segue, i ride around on my energy-efficient segway, meeting at twelve, and i can't be late, i work in hr, and i mediate, just a day at the office, but it's kind of a drag, my best friends - left hand - and a nudey mag, i love my corporate lifestyle, i'm kinda nerdy, won't stop this office freak from ridin' dirty, my happy wheels are a-rollin', even with this harpoon deep in my ass, love the carnage, body parts are a-bowlin', i'm hangin' on, my limbs are barely attached, throw your child in a blender, laughing as he's dismembered, what's the point of this mutilation, crash and tumble through gauntlets, tell me why do we want this, my masochistic jubilation, i'll be quick to turn you into mince meat, i'm the sickest lawn mower that you ever did meet, landscapin' faces, i make it personal, you stood me up on prom night, and i won't be merciful, nothin' runs like a deere, except you, i love the smell of fresh cut grass and death too, i'm armored by fat, don't think that you can kill me, hope you brought an appetite, i'm makin' human chili, i smell like feces and i'm really baldin', no need for sneakers, i got wheels and rockets, i rock the cosmos like i'm steven hawking, not handicapped, but i don't feel like walkin', i'm on welfare, cashin' checks, on crack and meth while i'm crackin' heads, haven't been the same since i got back from 'nam, just like rambo -, my happy wheels are spinnin', arms and legs and heads keep on flyin' by, like a monkey through the jungle swingin', covered up in blood, and i'm in my prime, it's not bad, just a flesh wound, but i'll probably be dead soon, someone oughtta take a screenshot of me, i'll go out like a rockstar, body parts will be long gone, just as long as i get to victory