The Assumption Song

Lyrics

There was an old farmer  
Who lived on a rock  
He sat in the meadow  
Just shaking his  
Fist at some boys  
Who were down by the crick  
Their feet in the water  
Their hands on their  
  
Marbles and playthings  
And at half past four  
There came a young lady  
She looked like a  
  
Pretty young creature  
She sat on the grass  
She pulled up her dress  
And she showed them her  
  
Ruffles and laces  
And white fluffy duck  
She said she was learning  
A new way to  
  
Bring up her children  
So they would not spit  
While the boys in the barnyard  
Were shoveling  
  
Refuse and litter  
From yesterday's hunt  
While the girl in the meadow  
Was rubbing her  
  
Eyes at the fellow  
Down by the dock  
He looked like a man  
With a sizable  
  
Home in the country  
With a big fence out front  
And if he asked her politely  
She'd show him her  
  
Little pet dog  
Who was subject to fits  
And maybe she'd let him  
Grab hold of her  
  
Small tender hand  
With a movement so quick  
And then she'd bend over  
And suck on his  
  
Candy, so tasty  
Made of butterscotch  
And then he'd spread whipped cream  
All over her  
  
Cookies that she had  
Left out on her shelf  
If you think this is dirty  
You can go fuck yourself!