persevere

Lyrics

i never got to kiss your head, ah, emme, and the call came the week i got divorced, i thought i had a real understanding then of loss, but i didn't know a thing 'til you were gone, and i'm tired of trying to find some sort of meaningful thing, in making sense of such unspeakable loss, but as i'm staring at your folks, the sweetest people i know, i get a glimpse of what it is to be strong, just holding hands and sobbing with sunglasses on, 'cause nothing tuned me in to absurdity as fast, as a gravestone with the name of a baby that has passed, i used to wanna be important, now i just wanna be alive, and without fear, you got to persevere, i couldn't count the times i've ragged on heaven, as an opiate invented by the weak, it's an argument i hate 'cause i'm content to love the fates, but it comes up a lot with emme's dad and me, so i'm shotgun in the car and we're just shooting the shit, and predictably, the talking turns to god, so i throw him forty lines how i don't think he exists, and he just smiles and takes a dignified pause, says, "it's okay to feel unbelievably lost", but god is full of grace and his faithfulness is vast, there is safety in the moments when the shit has hit the fan, not some vindictive motherfucker, nor is he shitty at his job, what words to hear, and i'm a mess by now, 'cause nothing tuned me in to my failure as fast, as grieving for a friend with more belief than i possessed, "it's not some disembodied heaven," he assured me, then he laughs and says through tears, "you got to persevere", persevere, persevere, persevere, we threw a party up in here, but god, it was bittersweet, i live hard 'cause i am scared that i won't mean anything, so now i'm praying to the ceiling, to the windows, to the walls, against this sudden sinking feeling that there's nothing there at all, and still, we just persevere