Jerry Springer

Lyrics

It's been one week since we got to see  
Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry  
Five days since they had the show  
With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho  
Three days since we heard the tale  
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male  
Yesterday it occurred to me  
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer  
  
Holy cow, d'you see it last week?  
Well, they had this one freak  
Who sucker-punched his whole family  
Do you recall when the brawl  
Became a total free-for-all?  
And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee  
Hey, see the stripper with the implants?  
She likes to lap dance  
And date the boyfriend of her mother  
Now here comes Jerry's next guest  
And it's a slugfest  
Cause it's her trailer trash brother  
Nymphomaniac is back on crack  
It's like "When Animals Attack"  
They all exhibit reprehensible behavior  
Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes  
Step on their toes, that's how it goes  
They get so violent they have to sign a waiver  
  
They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt and pointin' blame  
On the air? They don't care, they've got no shame  
There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange  
When he found out that his wife had a sex change  
They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly  
They have a history of ripping off their shirts  
  
It's been one week since they had the fight  
With the Siamese twins and the transvestite  
Five days since that awful brawl  
They still haven't got the blood off the wall  
It's been three days since the bitter feud  
Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude  
Yesterday, finally dawned on me  
I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer  
  
Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister.  
Oh, which one?  
All of 'em.  
Ah, well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake.  
Yeah? W-Well, me too! And, I've been sleepin' with your dog Woofie!  
Woofie, you bitch! Well I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat!  
That goat doesn't love you!  
  
Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'  
Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin'  
Jerry's the king of confrontation  
He's a sensation  
He puts the 'sin' in syndication  
It's totally worthless, like a bad check  
It's like a train wreck  
Don't want to stare, but you can't look away  
Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows  
But with more weirdos  
The ratings jumpin' higher every day  
If you've seen the show, well then you know  
It's just as low as you can go  
The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene  
And pretty soon some ugly goon  
Comes in the room and then it's BOOM  
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen  
  
Well, it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities  
Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies  
"Jerry! Jerry!" Now the crowd starts their favorite chant  
Should I turn off my TV? I just can't  
I have a tendency to watch it religiously  
I have a history of taping each one  
  
It's been one week since the show about  
Psycho killers with problems they should work out  
Five days since the big surprise  
When some loser's wife said that she's still dating twenty guys  
Three days since he interviewed  
A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude  
Yesterday, it occurred to me  
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer  
Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer  
I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer  
Come over here and pull on my finger