It's Not True

Lyrics

Policeman:  
Everything your teacher says  
Is proved to be a fable  
There never was an Arthur  
Nor the knights, nor a round table  
The lady of the lake  
Was just a made up story too  
I hate to disappoint you all  
But it's not true!  
It's not true!  
  
Teacher, though you jibber  
You're just a great big fibber  
There was no Excalibur  
  
Teacher:  
Galahad?  
  
Policeman:  
No such lad  
  
Teacher:  
Lancelot?  
  
Policeman:  
Lance-not  
  
Teacher:  
Guinevere?  
  
Policeman:  
Dear, oh dear!  
  
Merlin:  
Look at me, I'm real enough!  
  
Policeman:  
Not true, Merlin! Disappear!  
There were no wizards, so it's clear  
That it's not true!  
  
Teacher:  
While we're on the subject  
I'm afraid I must confess  
Though dick Turpin was a highwayman  
He never owned Black Bess  
And Tutankhamen's tomb  
Was never hit by any curse  
There never was a dragon slain by George  
It gets worse!  
  
Pirates never made their victims  
Walk the plank on ships  
Sir Walter Raleigh wasn't first  
To bring back spuds or chips  
  
Policeman:  
Robin Hood and Marian  
A made up story too  
Outlaws out in Nottingham?  
It's not true!  
It's not true!  
  
Teach, you're such a liar  
Your pants are catching fire  
There never was a Friar Tuck  
  
Teacher:  
Viking hat?  
  
Policeman:  
No horn on that  
  
Teacher:  
King Alfred's cake?  
  
Policeman:  
Big mistake  
  
Teacher:  
It never fried?  
  
Policeman:  
The old books lied  
Frankly, I deplore ya  
I hope these kids ignore ya  
'Cause in fact, Queen Victoria  
Never said 'We are not amused'  
  
Victoria: (spoken)  
Your children think I said what?  
  
Teacher: (spoken)  
They think you said "we are not amused", your Highness  
  
Victoria: (spoken)  
Really? That's quite funny, isn't it?  
  
Policeman and Teacher:  
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha  
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha  
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,  
Ha, ha ha!  
It's not true, it's not true!  
It's not true, it's not true!  
It's not true, it's not true!  
It's not true!