Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot)

Lyrics

He said he'd be here at seven  
The clock just hit 7:22  
It's too cold outside  
To wait for my ride  
Watching mamma try out a new doo (Bruins)  
  
He said he'd be here at seven  
But it just hit 7:35 (already?)  
Here in Brockton, Mass.,  
I got my thumb in my ass  
Mamma's combing up a big beehive (Celtics)  
  
Where the fuck is he?  
Where the fuck is he?  
  
The bitch doesn't even bother calling  
Even though it's 7:44 (I fell asleep, pally)  
I'm feeling kinda antsy  
Mamma's getting fancy  
Slicking back a wet pompadour (Red Sox)  
  
He said he'd be here at seven  
It's closing in on 8:01 (Trimmin' the 'stache, kid)  
Me lookin' like a sap  
In a wool knit cap  
Mamma's next move is a bun (fuckin' Patriots)  
  
Where the fuck is he? (My pants are still in the dryer, dude)  
Where the fuck is he? (I couldn't find my fuckin' snowboots, pal)  
I wish I had a car (Huge, huge hangover)  
Oh, no (Massive hailstorm, massive hailstorm, massive)  
  
That stupid little punk  
He's probably fuckin' drunk  
I bet he drank a case  
Want to pop him in the face right now  
Mamma's eyebrow  
  
Wicked good  
Wicked good (Oh, GOD)  
Wicked good  
Wicked good (Fuck yeah)  
Wicked good  
Wicked good (Pisser?)  
  
Well my friend is still a no-show  
And I'm getting fucking pissed (Why?)  
'Cause I could've gone with Charlie  
In the side of his Harley  
Mamma's on the phone with a stylist (Fuck Charlie!)  
  
So I guess I ain't going out tonight  
'Cause the digits say 12:09 (Shit-faced)  
But call the operator  
'Cause one perm later  
Mamma's hair sure do look fine (Heffenreffer!!!)  
  
Where the fuck is he? (Ah, ha ha! My stepfather was tellin' me a wicked funny
joke!)  
Where the fuck is he? (Ah, ha ha! I forgot it though)  
  
I wish I had a car  
I wish I had a car (A cop pulled me over, buddy)  
  
I wish I went with Charlie (5.2 blood level, state record)  
I could have gone with Charlie (I'm in a wicked mess of trouble, ha ha!)  
  
He gotta dee wee  
He gotta dee wee  
He gotta dee wee  
He got a D.W.I.  
  
(Up the river)  
(Up the river)  
(Up the river)  
  
(Up the river)  
(Up the river)  
(Up the river)  
  
(Up the river)  
(Up the river)  
(Up the river)